2020: Week 10 — Remembering

Do you take the time to remember milestones in your life? How do you mark them so that you don’t forget them? Some people, like me, are journalers. For others, photos mark their milestones. Maybe it’s a collection of something else. Whatever your method, I think it’s important to reflect on where we’ve been as we look forward to the future.

This week, I finished up reading Numbers and started reading Deuteronomy. Deuteronomy opens with Moses recapping the past 40 or so years to the Israelites who are preparing to enter the Promised Land. As he describes how they got to that point, I can’t help but notice God’s faithfulness to struggling people.

The Israelites had issues trusting that God’s plans were better than their own, and they took their eyes off of the all-powerful One. When they decided to look away and be led by their feelings and fears rather than trust God’s direction, it angered God, and He said that none of that generation would be able to see the Promised Land. God even calls them “evil.”

But in the years that followed, God showed His faithfulness and love toward them by providing for them and leading them — in His timing — back to the Promised Land for a second chance. I love the grace in those books. Their hearts are skeptical, but God provides.

The story of the wilderness convicts my heart, too, because I’ve also let fears take over. When that happens, nothing good comes of it. And it seems so innocent, too. I don’t often consider my distrust rebellion against God or as a form of evil, but that’s how Moses and God describe it. It’s something that needs to be rooted out. Left unattended, that kind of mistrust eats me from within, leaving behind anxiety and worry. It hinders my ministries and hurts my relationships.

When I’m focused on Christ and His faithfulness, though, my heart is kinder. I’m much more loving toward those around me. I have joy in my heart regardless of the circumstances around me. My prayers are more constant, too. But the journey in learning to trust God was difficult.

Honestly, the best way God showed me His faithfulness was to let me walk through a trial. And then another one. And another one. With each one, I began trusting God deeper. I watched God prove Himself, and now I have some experience that makes it easier to walk forward during difficulties. His faithfulness deepens my resolve to live focused on Christ, for He loves me best.

And this is where journals come in handy. I’ve journaled since childhood, and I can flip through them and read all about the struggles, worries, and fears that once consumed me. Most of the things I wrote about seem so small now, but they were a big deal to my heart then. As embarrassing as it is to remember some of those petty issues, I’m careful to thank God for shaping me through them. I wouldn’t be who I am today without those moments, so I’m thankful for the journey.

As thankful as I am, though, I still sometimes think those journals are better off in a burn pile. Teenage years were rough. Still, I’ll hold onto them so that I can flip through the pages and remember how God has always been faithful. I haven’t always been, but He always has. And I trust His heart to shape me and help me trust Him more.