Some people choose a word for the year. They surround themselves with the word, writing it in notebooks, setting it as their phone or laptop’s wallpaper, and meditating on it throughout the year. I don’t choose a word for the year, but for the past two years or so, a word or two chose me.

It’s no coincidence that the message “Be still and know that I am God” surrounded me just before the COVID lockdown of 2020. God nudged me in that direction before I knew the virus existed. From songs and podcasts to books and conversations with friends, that message was emerging in late 2019, and it became a theme of 2020.

It wasn’t until Christmas that I thought I understood why. Keith asked me to be his wife, and I wanted to enjoy the last 10 months or so leading up to the transition instead of being overwhelmed by wedding details. “OK, God, I’ll slow down and notice you in this.”

Very shortly after the proposal, I learned the company I’ve been a part of for then-seven years would soon be acquired. I didn’t know what that would look like, and the “not knowing” gave me many sleepless nights. “OK, God, I’ll slow down and notice you in this.”

Preparing to leave my church family at Pisgah Baptist Church and join Keith at his church brought mourning I wasn’t prepared for. I love PBC, and I felt cheated that the pandemic kept us from meeting in person for so many weeks. I wanted closure. I wanted the time with my people. “OK, God, I’ll slow down and notice you in this.”

Keith and I married on a perfect day. We had a wonderful time with our families, and God answered a prayer that day I had prayed five years prior — that God would restore Keith’s father after heart failure and allow him to stand as Keith’s best man at our wedding. “OK, God, I’ll slow down and notice you in this.”

The theme ran strong in 2020, and it didn’t stop. Last year was much the same. It had its twists and turns for both Keith and me. In those moments, though, God showed His goodness. He showed me how He sustains and heals, how His grace and mercy fill each day, and how He truly is a God of kindness.

In Psalm 145, David glorifies God for His goodness. He mentions both attributes and actions of God. The LORD is:
-Great.
-Righteous.
-Gracious.
-Merciful.
-Slow to anger.
-Great in lovingkindness.
-Good to all.
-Kind.

The LORD:
-Sustains all who fall.
-Raises up all who are bowed low.
-Gives food in due time.
-Opens His hand and satisfies the desire of every living thing.
-Is near to all who call on Him in truth.
-Fulfills the desires of those who fear Him, hears their cry, and saves them.
-Keeps all who love Him.
-Destroys the wicked.

David noticed and experienced these attributes and actions as he walked with the LORD, and I think we can easily find them in our own lives, no matter the circumstances. When our surroundings leave us on shaky ground, God is an ever-present help. He sustains, raises up, and is near. As we sing at church, “He’s as close as the mention of His name.” We can rest during the storm knowing God is keeping His children, so we don’t have to.

It goes beyond the storms, though. God still cares for us on level ground. When things are going well and we are in a season of peaceful circumstances, the LORD is still our ever-present help. He is still near, still sustaining, and still keeping us. I believe we can overlook His nearness as we go through those calm seasons, sometimes foolishly believing we don’t need Him as much.

I think it’s a kindness of God that peaceful circumstances don’t last, for it allows us to grow stronger in our walk with Him. We can hear about God as our sustainer, healer, and provider and believe Him as such, but something changes when we experience it for ourselves. We have an understanding we may not otherwise have had. We have a personal testimony of His character to share.

I’ve shared my testimony about retinitis pigmentosa many times — any time there’s an opportunity because it’s a difficult path I never expected to walk yet is infused with God’s goodness, grace, and mercy. Along this journey, two moments in 2021 were especially painful: one physically painful and one spiritually.

First, I fell over a box and hurt myself. I have some blind spots that often have me bumping into furniture and doorways or tripping over things left on the floor. I usually laugh it off, but this time was different. I landed in a way that bruised the soft tissue in my neck, and it was painful. I was scared, and I cried. I grabbed my journal and prayed about the difficulties of Romans 8:28 — of all things working together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.

Then, a few months later, I closed my right eye to wipe away makeup. When I did, the blind spots in my left eye were stark. I hadn’t thought about the disorder in months, but noticing the weakness in my vision brought a wave of sadness I wasn’t prepared for. Those familiar words came back: “OK, God, I’ll slow down and notice you in this.”

After that experience, I landed on Psalm 145 and started meditating there. I challenged my fears and anxieties about RP with those truths.

“What if I only see my family for 10 more years?”
“What if I forget what my husband looks like?”
“What if I never see a sunrise or sunset again?”
“What if I lose my job due to RP?”

Answer: “The LORD is righteous in all His ways and kind in all His deeds” (v. 17).

I believe Psalm 145 is true is because I have experienced it. During both seasons of trials and rest, He has shown His goodness toward my family and me. It’s overwhelming.

He is good in every circumstance. Wherever you find yourself today, remember that. Read Psalm 145 and consider times and situations where you may have experienced God’s attributes and actions working on your behalf. Slow down and notice what He’s doing. You might just understand His heart a little deeper.