The eyes God gave me

Growing up, I wanted blue eyes. My brown eyes were too normal for me, so I would often wish that they would change colors. It wasn’t until I learned the story of Amy Carmichael that I decided my brown eyes weren’t too bad.

Amy wanted blue eyes and remembered her mother telling her that God answers prayers. So, she prayed that God would give her the blue eyes she wanted.

Amy was very upset the next morning when she didn’t get what she had prayed for, and her mom explained to her that God sometimes answers “no” and that God had a reason for her brown eyes whether or not she understood why.

Later on, Amy became a missionary in India, and she rescued many girls from what amounted to temple prostitution. To do that, she had to blend in with the culture around her, so she wore clothes like theirs, stained her skin to match theirs, and thanked God for her brown eyes. Those eyes had allowed her to minister in a great way.

On July 5, I went to my retina specialist’s office for a genetic test to see if I am eligible for the new FDA-approved drug that treats retinitis pigmentosa. The drug, Luxturna, targets a specific genetic mutation, and only about 2 percent of RP patients have that mutation. I don’t know when the results will be back, but I know that it takes a while.

The odds are not in my favor, but the God I know and love works above and beyond all odds. If this is His will, He will make a way. It’s as simple as that.

While I don’t know if this drug is right for my case of RP, let me be clear: I want God’s best for my life, and I understand that it may not include long-term eyesight. I understand that He may have something in store for me that’s uncomfortable, scary, and irritating, but I trust that His path for me is far better than anything I could ask for or imagine. I desire with all my heart for God to use this disease as a testimony to His greatness, and that can happen with or without vision.

I think we sometimes have a skewed view of the things we cherish, things like family, friends, health, or careers. I sometimes act like these are my things to hold onto, but in reality, they’re only temporary gifts from a very loving God. He doesn’t owe me a certain number of days with healthy eyes or with any other gift. I just choose to enjoy what He gives me for as long as I have them.

Each day I can see well is simply grace, and if He’s ready to move me to a different part of my journey that doesn’t require vision, then I’m ready to give my eyesight back in exchange for the something better that He has planned.

The wallpaper on my phone right now is a familiar verse to most of the Christian world. It’s Proverbs 3:5-6, which says, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”

From this verse, I learn a couple of things.

First, my responsibilities are to trust God wholeheartedly, lean on Him for understanding, and acknowledge Him in all things. Nowhere am I given the responsibility to plan my own way or to hold everything together.

Second, God is trustworthy, and He is able to make my paths straight. Where I can’t come up with the perfect plans, my omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent God can. He will direct if I’ll only follow.

Back when I was in the youth group, we were going to roll the yard of one of our youth leaders (with permission). We got to the house, and everyone was getting their toilet paper to decorate the trees.

I was standing there frozen. I couldn’t see anything … not the trees, not the toilet paper, not anything.

I think it was then that I knew I had some eye issues. I’ve never been able to see great at night.

Everyone else was having a great time, but I was afraid to move, afraid I’d bump into someone or a tree.

A couple of minutes went by, and a friend came and found me. She asked if I had any toilet paper and handed me a roll. I told her I couldn’t find a tree, and she led me to one.

I threw it, but apparently I missed the tree. She redirected me and told me to throw it up and a little to the left. I did, and it must have caught on something because she congratulated me.

When everyone was finished, she led me back to the van.

I haven’t rolled a yard since.

I’ve found myself in dark situations several times — backstage at a theater, walking back to the band room after a game, at a park when it got dark quickly — and I’ve had to ask for help more than once.

I have wonderful friends who have been my eyes when I can’t see well. They often jump in and help without saying a word, and I’m grateful for that.

But I’m even more grateful for a God who does that with my life. I might not know what’s ahead, but because God is trustworthy, I lean on Him to lead me out. I walk ahead confidently, knowing that He can make my path straight. When I find myself in a dark room, I need only to seek Him first and let Him be the guide.

He promises that all things will work together for the good of those who love Him, and that includes my eye issues. Not one thing that I’m experiencing with this is surprising to God, for He knew the day that I would discover RP, and He had been preparing me for it, just as He is preparing me for my future now.

I don’t know why I have these RP eyes, and God may never reveal the reasons to me, but I can say that I am trying each day to honor Him with them and to use them for His glory. I want others to see God’s goodness in RP, and my hope and prayer is that He lets me make Him known through this part of my journey.

Amy’s brown eyes allowed her to be used in a remarkable ministry. I wonder what my brown eyes will allow me to do.